How a Generation Forgot What Love, Loyalty and Marriage Are All About
By Maureen Steele
Special to Boston Broadside
Sunset afterglow across from Surfside Beach provides a dramatic backdrop for a nearby harbor.
Photo credit: Boston Broadside, for this, and all the original Nantucket images in this article.
Editor’s Note: June on Nantucket. It’s the time of year when wedding parties flow in like the tide surrounding the alluring island affectionately known as “The Grey Lady.” But where do those families who call Nantucket “home” go to get married, and at what price? Maureen Steele, who lived on the island for several years with her four sons, presents a provocative point of view in response to those questions, and more…
There was a time—not long ago—when a wedding was about love. When a friendship meant showing up when you could, not bankrupting yourself to prove your worth. When family didn’t mean financial entitlement. But somewhere along the line a generational shift took hold—and we lost the plot.
“Today, a wedding is no longer sacred. It’s a brand. It’s a spectacle curated for Instagram, with every moment staged for the feed—from the over-the-top proposal, to the elaborate engagement party, to the destination wedding, to the gender reveal, which of course must be filmed by a drone. And heaven help the friend who can’t afford to finance the production.”
I’ve just watched a young man—26 years old, a hardworking kid with no safety net, who started his own business from nothing—get flogged for choosing to not go into debt for a childhood friend’s bachelor party. He already spent $2,500 flying cross-country to attend this friend’s yacht club engagement party, along with losing two days work for $1,500, and he’s planning to attend the destination wedding in Colorado, which will cost him another six thousand in lost workdays, travel, accommodations, and a tux. But when he said he couldn’t swing a third cross-country trip to a $3,000 bachelor weekend in South Carolina—plus two more days of lost income—(totaling $6,600) the friend and his entire family turned on him.
Groomsmen from a previous Nantucket wedding not related to this story. (Boston Broadside photo.)
His so-called best friend is 25 years old. Comes from money. Lives on Nantucket. The bachelor party wasn’t even planned by the groom—it was booked by his mother and brother without once asking the groomsmen what they could afford. When the 26 year old said, “I just can’t do it. I’m trying to keep my business alive, I’ve got $16K in immediate repairs and need to save for an engagement ring of my own,” the response wasn’t empathy. It was accusation. Making two of the three events wasn’t quite good enough.
“You’re selfish.”
“If this were reversed, I’d move heaven and earth to be there.”
“You’ve let us down.”
Even the fiancée joined in by sending a guilt trip video. The brother shamed him. The father called, demanding to know of the young man’s finances. They all piled on—offering to loan him the money (as if a broke kid with startup bills and $16K in upcoming repairs can magically pay them back at the wedding, which they “graciously” suggested).
And through it all, the groomsman said, “I’d never ask you to do this for me. I would never expect you to put your livelihood, your engagement, or your future on hold or go into debt for a weekend bachelor party. I’d never want that. Because I love you. Because you’re my friend.”
But that wasn’t good enough. Because some people don’t understand the word “no” or the phrase “I can’t afford that.” They don’t understand real friendship. They were raised on curated images and applause emojis, not loyalty, not values.
This is the shallow narcissism we’ve started calling tradition.
A proposal must be filmed.
The engagement must be celebrated with a party.
The bachelor and bachelorette parties must be destinations—Vegas, Miami, the Caribbean.
The wedding is a destination too.
Then comes the wedding shower.
Then the gender reveal party.
Then the baby shower.
Then the “diaper party” for the dad.
All expecting others to fund your milestones like it’s their job to bankroll your highlight reel.
And heaven forbid you say no.
For Gen X, friendship meant understanding. We didn’t expect people to sacrifice their careers or cancel life goals to attend one more over-the-top event. We had potluck weddings. Backyard parties. A proposal often meant a private conversation, not a viral video. And we never demanded loyalty be proven in dollars.
There’s a reason the old adage says, “A true friend walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” It doesn’t say, “A true friend Venmos you $7,000 or else.”
This isn’t just about a wedding. This is about a sickness in our culture—a narcissism that is poisoning love, friendship, and the meaning of family. It’s about how this generation has made every life event a financial hostage situation. It’s about how saying “I can’t afford it” now earns you shame instead of support.
We need to raise the bar back to character. To values. To loyalty. Because if a friend tells you they’re struggling and your response is to guilt, shame, and ghost them—you’re not a friend. You’re an entitled brat in a tux, raised by shallow parents with hydrangeas out front and nothing growing inside.
Marriage isn’t a photo shoot. It’s a vow.
Friendship isn’t a transaction. It’s a bond.
And life isn’t meant to be broadcast—it’s meant to be lived. For years, I felt guilty raising my kids just barely above the poverty line. We weren’t middle class—we were scraping by, and I carried that shame like a scarlet letter. But now? I look at my sons—men of grit, character, and gratitude—and I realize I wasn’t failing them. I was forging them.
Brandt Point lighthouse welcomes arrivals to Nantucket.
They don’t expect handouts. They don’t measure people by income. They work hard. They sacrifice. They save. They know what really matters. It’s not the yacht club, or the party, or the photo op.
It’s people. It’s love. It’s loyalty.
So let the shallow parents with their hydrangeas and their hired photographers look down on us all they want. They raised kids who throw tantrums when life says no. I raised men who take no as a challenge—and keep going.
And I wouldn’t trade that for all the wedding photos in the world.
Maureen Steele is a bold and prolific writer with an edgy style that hits like a brisk splash of salty water in the face. Her works range from insightful poignant essays, which debuted here on Boston Broadside, to widely published in-depth articles, and hard hitting opinion pieces. She is the co-founder of American Made Action. For more of Maureen’s work, follow her on X @MaureenSteele_ and email her at MSteelePa@gmail.com.
People today, especially younger ones, rarely even say hello. They are too busy staring into a plastic phone. They worry about the big game where multi millionaires play a game for multibillionaires. The real game of life seems to pass them by. To be fair, there are many older people who act this way too. Loss of religion and the familiy unit have contributed to this reality. Our low ranked school systems teach little anymore.